5 Words Each Enneagram Number Needs to Hear Most

Each enneagram number is motivated differently and has a desire to hear certain things from the people that care about them. What if you knew 5 words that would be exactly the thing they need to hear? Today I am going to share with you 5 words each enneagram number needs to hear most.

Enneagram Type One

One’s care a lot about doing things right and doing them well. They want to make a difference in the world. This type is also strongly moral and highly ethical. So what does type one want to hear most?

“I see goodness in you.”

Enneagram Type Two

Two’s are friendly and helpful, but what they are really searching for is that friendship and love in return. They are deeply sensitive and dependent on others for their self-worth. What words do they need most?

“You’re loved no matter what.”

Enneagram Type Three

Three’s strive to succeed and achieve above all else. They are always performing and using their charm to get ahead. This power number feels they must earn love by doing. They need to hear these words…

“You are loved for you.”

5 words each enneagram number needs to hear most

Enneagram Type Four

Four’s are deeply emotional and expressive. They often feel misunderstood and out of place. Am I too much for you? They want to know. Fours don’t shy away from big feelings. What 5 words do they need to hear?

“I am here with you.”

Enneagram Type Five

Fives are extremely capable and responsible. They like figuring things out on their own and in their own space. It is easy for fives to forget that other people in their lives can help them. What do Fives need to hear?

“It’s okay to have needs.”

Enneagram Type Six

Sixes are often anxious, scanning the horizon for possible catastrophes and worst case scenarios. They feel unsettled when they don’t know what to expect or when their is no consistency in their lives. What 5 words do sixes need to hear most?

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

Enneagram Type Seven

Sevens don’t like being put in a “box,” or trapped. They love new opportunities, trying things they’ve never done before, and adventure that they get to plan themselves. This enthusiastic type longs for freedom. So what 5 words do sevens need to hear most?

“Let’s plan a trip together!”

5 words each enneagram type needs to hear most

Enneagram Type Eight

Eights are strong, confident, and a little rough around the edges. They highly value honesty and directness in communication. This type has a wall built up around their most vulnerable parts and only allows a cherished few inside. What do they need to hear most?

“I will never betray you.”

Enneagram Type Nine

Nines get lost in a crowd easily because they are happy to go along with anyone. They merge with whomever they are with, and often don’t stand up for themselves. Their self esteem suffers when they can’t articulate their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. What 5 words do nines need to hear most?

“You’re presence matters to me.”

Knowing these simple phrases will help you understand each type because they cut right to the core desire for each one. I hope you will use them, contemplate on them, and be inspired by them.

Thanks for reading!

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Loving your community through the enneagram

Want a printable of the 5 words that each enneagram type needs to hear most? You can get it below:

Want to study the enneagram with your friends? This video course below is perfect for small groups!

Want a printable workbook to go through all the types together? This one below, covers all the basics!

50 page enneagram workbook

Behind the Scenes of Enneagram Type 9

Enneagram type nines are known as “The Peacemakers.” This type doesn’t like to rock the boat, and avoids conflict at all costs. But what else do we know about nines? Today we are going behind the scenes of enneagram type 9 to discover more about them.

The Gut Triad

Let’s start with the triad nine falls into. Type nine is in the “Gut Triad,” along with types one and eight. Each type in this triad deals with anger/ gut reactions, but in very different ways. The type nine is asleep to their anger which causes it to seep out passive aggressively. Since they avoid conflict, they don’t want to openly say when something is bothering them. This could cause a loss of connection or disruption in a relationship (which is one of type nine’s worst fears).

Nines allow themselves to float along, agreeing with whomever they are with. This in enneagram language, is known as, “merging.” If a nine is very unaware and hasn’t done any inner work, they may not know their own opinions of things. They can spend too long agreeing with everyone else’s ideas that they fail to discover their own.

The Withdrawn Stance

Numbers in the withdrawn stance, have an orientation to time towards the past. They are neither future looking, or present, but always looking back.

You’ve heard of the law of inertia:

An object at rest tends to stay at rest, whereas an object in motion tends to stay in motion.

Isaac Newton

Those in the withdrawn stance tend to stay at rest. They have a hard time actually getting going and moving into getting things done. This is called “Doing Repressed.”

For the type nine, they might look busy doing, but their doing is usually to avoid what actually needs done. For example, they might really need to call their mom, but instead of calling their mom, they notice that the fridge needs cleaned out. They will spend hours cleaning the fridge (a very productive looking thing to do) but this is an avoidance tactic. Doing repressed comes down to unproductive doing.

This repressed doing center causes nines to procrastinate until the very last second. If a nine doesn’t want to do something, they can really dig their heels in. They have a surprising stubbornness about them.

The Type Nine Superpower

One of the most amazing things about nines, is that they have a little piece of every type on the enneagram. This allows them to see everyone’s perspective and makes them incredible mediators. They are the only type that can understand all the other types so well.

Nines naturally want everyone to get along. If they are aware, they can use this passion to connect people. They are also eager to give of themselves, and sacrifice their wants and needs for others. As with all, “superpowers,” they can be a blessing or a curse. If nines aren’t careful, they will end up merging too often and sacrificing too much.

Being around a type nine is the easiest. They require little from you, and make great friends. Nines are extremely laid back (so laid back, they might take a nap)!

Behind the Scenes of Enneagram Type 9

What Type 9 needs from us

Ask their opinion. Since nines tend to merge easily, it is important to ask them what they think, or you might never find out. They won’t speak up, or share an opinion that is different from yours easily. Asking them is an honoring thing to do and will make them feel loved.

Ease into conflict situations. We all know that conflict has to happen sometimes. Since this is so devastating for a type nine, help them walk through it as best you can. Reassure them that the relationship will be even stronger on the other side of the conflict.

Don’t pressure them. Pressuring a type nine can cause them to dig their heels in even more. They can be indecisive and slow to get moving, but trying to hurry them along will only make it worse. Be patient with them.

We love all those enneagram type nines… helping connect the world!

Thanks for reading!

Want to grab this overview of type 9 below? Click here.

Check out this cute candle! Perfect for any type 9!

Want to explore the enneagram with a group? use this video course below.

Loving Your Community Through the Enneagram

Many years ago, in my first psychology class, I remember being amazed that we all think differently. It was a big awakening moment of understanding that the people around me, weren’t thinking the same thoughts as me, or doing things for the same reasons I was, or feeling the same things I was feeling. Today, I want to talk about these differences and how we can love our communities through the enneagram.

We all know how important is is to love others. But what does that mean? Does everyone need the same kind of love and want to be loved in the same way?

I think we all know the answer is, no.

So if we all need to be loved in different ways, how do we go about loving each other?

Who is your community?

In a broad sense of course, it is everyone around you in the place where you live. Loving all of these people would be hard to do in the deep intentional way we are going to discuss today. Kindness can always be shared to everyone, but I want to talk about real love. The people who will get the benefits of your love are going to be the people in your “inner circle,” the people you claim as your group, who you belong to and they belong to you. (Read more about why we need community to thrive, here).

Maybe its your family, maybe its your church group, or maybe its the people you gather with in a coffee shop every week. Whomever you include in your community, the first step in loving them well, is knowing them well.

This is where the enneagram becomes the most useful tool in your toolbox.

The enneagram first shows you how you see the world, and then shows you how other people see the world. When these two ways of seeing come together a lot can happen. Compassion grows for yourself, and others. This changes your relationships in only positive ways. You begin to understand why people do what they do, instead of simply reacting to what they do.

So how does loving your community through the enneagram work?

Learning the enneagram is going to help you understand yourself.

Beginning with yourself is always the best place to start. After all, you can only control your own actions, reaction, and decisions. When you learn the enneagram, you will begin to notice your patterns of both positive and negative motivations. You can practice pausing before you would normally make a negative reaction, or begin down a path you didn’t intend to go.

Once you have learned about yourself:

Your motivations, your core needs and desires, and your fears and patterns of disintegration…

It is your job to teach others about yourself. This knowledge is power. The people in your community want to love you well, but it is not intuitive. Understanding how to love people the way they need to be loved is a complicated matter. It takes time and intention to do this well. So, why not spell it out? Take some of the mystery out of this complicated life.

Once the people around you know your number, it’s time to start learning theirs. This is going to be an eye-opening experience. Dynamics will begin to make sense. You will start to understand why people do certain things, why they express themselves the way they do. The enneagram will show you exactly what each type needs.

Why learn the enneagram with a group?

This will only bring your group closer together. It may even help heal wounds, and provide a forward path for the future.

Self growth is accomplished best when supported by a group. This is a key opportunity for everyone to do together. (And it might even be fun)! Taking the time to learn about each other shows that you care deeply about one another too!

Grab this “Loving the 9 Types- The Cheat Sheet” below by clicking here, to help you understand a quick overview of how each type needs to be loved.

Loving Your Community Through The Enneagram

The discovery kit below is a great place to start your journey. It has information on all 9 types and is perfect for a group. Grab it here.

loving your community through the enneagram

Below you will find a beginners enneagram VIDEO course! This is a great tool for groups, and only takes 45 minutes to go through! Perfect for a night together learning about each other. Grab the download now!

loving your community through the enneagram

As always, it is my hope that you have an inspired day!

Thanks for reading!

Behind the Scenes of Enneagram Type 8

Enneagram type eight is known for their boldness, powerful presence, and “get it done,” attitude. But there is much more to these “challengers,” as they are sometimes called. Let’s go behind the scenes of enneagram type 8 to find out what they are really all about.

The Aggressive Stance

It’s no surprise that the type eight is in the aggressive stance. They are outwardly aggressive and express their thoughts and opinions openly. This type is not afraid of a fight, in fact they crave the intimacy and intensity a conflict can create.

The aggressive stance also reveals the dominant and repressed intelligence centers of type eight. Because they are in the aggressive stance, eights are doing dominant, and feelings repressed. The thinking center falls in-between, supporting their doing center.

Since the doing center is dominant for eights, this means they act first without considering feelings or thinking about what repercussions their actions may cause. Thinking happens after the action has been done. Feelings are last for type eight.

Being feelings repressed, makes it hardest for type eights to be empathetic. They say what they think, do what they want, and really don’t care about your feelings. They also don’t care what other people think about them, and don’t waste time worrying about feelings in general.

Types in the aggressive stance are also future focused. For type eight, this looks like pushing their goals and powering through obstacles. This forward focus also enhances their need to repress feelings and protect themselves from vulnerability (their worst fear).

Behind the Scenes of Enneagram Type 8

The Anger Triad

Eights are in the anger triad, also known as the “gut triad,” meaning they react quickly and with gut instincts. They know what they want, and usually the most efficient way to get it. Because they bypass feelings, they can be cutthroat, and offensive without meaning to be.

Eights are close to their anger. They express it outwardly and don’t hold back. The other numbers in this triad express anger in a less obvious ways. The type eight lives up to its name as “The challenger,” and definitely walks boldly into every situation.

This kind of confidence and honesty makes the type eight intimidating to most. They are also natural leaders and known for protecting the underdog, as well as those they love. Type eights at their best use their domineering personality for good, helping others and impacting the world.

Behind the Scenes of Enneagram Type 8

Why we love type 8

No one will tell you the truth like an eight. Though their honesty may hurt at times, you can be confident in always knowing where you stand with them. Their communication style is direct, succinct, and full of clarity and conviction.

When they are in your corner, you can’t lose. It is like having a superhero stand behind you and lift you up! They will fight for you, stand up for you, sometimes even fight the battles in your honor if need be. They have a sweet nurturing side for those they love, and the protection of a Mama bear.

The intensity of type eight is admirable. They work tirelessly for what they need to in a practical and passionate way. Eights have a willingness to act and do hard things without giving up.

When the timing is right, eights even know how to loosen up and have a little fun. We love seeing this side of them!

What Does Type Eight Need From Us?

Eights respect people that standup for themselves and radiate confidence. They also appreciate clear, concise communication. Since they don’t beat around the bush, they don’t want you to either. They also don’t want to waste time guessing, or playing games.

Eights don’t care for flattery, but desire honest appreciation of the many things they do. Acknowledge the contributions they make and the hard work they do to make your life better.

Become a safe, trustworthy space for your type eight to feel supported in. Typically eights build walls of protection around anything that feels like vulnerability and need a comfortable place to put some of that. They do have a hidden softer side.

Grab This Type Eight Printable Here!

Behind the scenes of Enneagram type 8

This overview is available here.

Check out this awesome type 8 candle! Get it here.

Behind the scenes of Enneagram Type 7

Type sevens are known for their high-spiritedness and natural optimism. This type is often referred to as, “the enthusiast,” but is there more to this type than up-beat pep and energy? Let’s go behind the scenes of enneagram type 7 to find out.

The Aggressive Stance

Speaking of up-beat energy, type seven is at the top of the energy pool. Along with type 8 and type 3, type 7 is in the aggressive stance. These numbers feel big in the room. They take up space with their confidence and manner. These three numbers possess the most energy of the types, and get the most done.

The aggressive stance also means that type seven has a focus on the future. This is evident in the way sevens love to plan parties, or anything “fun,” that they can look forward to. Anticipation of the fun, is equally or even more enjoyable than the actual event.

The aggressive stance means the “doing” center of intelligence is dominant, the thinking center supports the doing, and the feeling center is repressed. For sevens, this means doing comes first. They are extremely impulsive, fast learners, and eager to go on to the next, and the next exiting thing. Thinking comes in second place for sevens, but only after doing. They fall into “asking for forgiveness later,” mentality.

Since their feeing center is repressed, sevens are very out of touch with their feelings. It is their nature to avoid feeling pain of any kind, which includes intense emotions. They subconsciously tune out or fall asleep to these kinds of feelings that make them uncomfortable.

Behind the scenes of Enneagram Type 7

Now that you know what stance the type seven is in, let’s go behind the scenes of enneagram type 7 a little more and find out about their triad.

The Head Triad

The head triad, also called the fear triad is where type seven inhabits. For the seven, this means they love thinking about ideas, and future oriented plans. They may even love reading, if it is something to keep their interest.

Though they are part of the “Fear triad,” they are out of touch with their fear. This is related to the way they handle emotions. Since fear feels negative, sevens will re-frame this into something positive or something they don’t need to deal with, or something they can deny altogether.

The biggest fear of the type seven is of missing out, or of being trapped. They definitely want to be involved in every fun plan and event going on; they want to steer clear of anything that will box them in or emotionally make them feel the feels. Disappointments, sadness, and boredom are avoided at all costs.

What we love about sevens

Sevens truly are the life of the party and a ton of fun to be around! They are eager and optimistic and want to experience all that life has to offer. The type seven is charming and friendly, with huge imaginations that serve them well. They like to do things on the fly and really see the upside of everything. What’s not to like? This cheerful type sure brightens up the world!

What does Type Seven need from others?

Companionship. They don’t want to go on their adventures alone whether real or imagined (for they are also great story-tellers) they want someone to come along for ride and someone to share their stories with.

Make them laugh. Sevens love to laugh and embrace the silly side of life. Encourage this, and laugh with them.

Accept them the way they are. Sevens don’t like to be boxed in, or restricted.

Remind them to be in the present. Sevens get lost seeking the next fun thing in the future; they need pulled down once in a while from their lofty dreams.

I hope you enjoyed going behind the scenes of enneagram type 7 where the glass is always half full.

Grab this printable below!

Any type 7 would love this candle! Get it here!