We don’t talk about ANGER!

If you have young kids at home, you’ve probably seen the new Disney movie, Encanto. It’s a great movie all about a family who each possess a different magical gift. Surprisingly, I’m not going to relate this awesome theme to our different enneagram gifts (though I definitely could)! There is a song from this movie that will get stuck in your head called, “We don’t talk about Bruno.” It got me thinking… we don’t talk about ANGER!

We don’t talk about anger

Each of the enneagram types handles anger a little bit differently, but why aren’t we talking about it? Is it just me, or is this one of the main emotions that we need to work out? Why are we getting angry? How are we expressing anger? What underlying emotions are behind anger? How can we best handle anger?

Maybe you and anger are good.

But I have struggled with it my whole life.

It’s the thing we don’t talk about. The thing you’re not supposed to feel or act on. Anger is my Bruno.

I once heard it said, that anger is only the result of an underlying emotion. Which begs the question, what other emotion is hiding under anger? Even more than our avoidance issues surrounding anger, are all those other neglected emotions using anger as shield.

So using the enneagram, we can boil down these hidden emotions into three main categories based on the triads. Anger is going to be masking fear, shame, or vulnerability.

The Gut Triad

Eights, Nines, and Ones, are part of the anger triad. This doesn’t mean any of them know what to do with their anger however. Eights tend to openly express it as they do with most things. Nines don’t even know they are angry. Ones are usually prone to stuffing the anger down to handle it at a more appropriate time.

The Heart Triad

This triad associates the feeling of anger more with the feeling of shame. For these three types, anger is going to relate to their image and their own perception surrounding it. Two’s anger usually comes from a place of feeling underappreciated, while a three might feel anger when they are not succeeding in a certain area, or failing at something important to them. A four’s anger will usually be related to how they see themselves fitting in to the world around them, or a flaw occurring in their idealistic ideas.

The Head Triad

Fives, Sixes, and Sevens, connect fear and anger in their own ways. A five can become angry when too much is expected of them without enough time to plan and prepare, or recharge. Sixes anger relates to safety and security. If either of these feel threatened, a sixes anger may rise up. Sevens anger mostly relates to not having choices, or being boxed in. A seven will fight against this just to feel the sweet breath of freedom.

These may be overly generalized, but it gives you an idea of what makes each type connect to anger in their own way. So how can we talk about anger, and deal with it in a healthier way?

Awareness

The first step to changing any habit, is noticing that it is in fact a habit. This takes conscious self-observation, and time. Becoming self-aware is a life long journey and one of the best parts of the enneagram. You can begin by asking yourself some simple questions:

What is going on inside me?

What am I feeling?

Where in my body do I feel something tensing?

Why do I feel this way?

Become an observer of yourself. Watch what you are thinking, feeling and doing.

Action

The next step, is moving toward growth and positivity. Moving forward now that you have observed your thoughts, feelings and body, it’s time to make some decisions. Many things may have risen up when you decided to do some self-reflection, things you might not be proud to admit. That’s okay. The important thing is now you can move in the direction you want to go instead of being controlled by the mask of anger.

Here are some positive steps to move through your anger after you have identified it:

Deep breathing.

Taking deep breaths is good for your whole body and your mind. This gives you a chance to reset and calm down. This step alone can dissolve much of your anger.

Proximity (physically moving away)

If you notice that you are too worked up to handle what is in front of you, a positive choice is to remove yourself. For example, go for a walk (the fresh air will also do you good)! Move to a separate room, or the bathroom just to catch your breath and keep yourself from reacting when you need to respond.

Talk about it

Yep, let’s talk about anger! One of the best ways to diffuse a strong emotion like anger, is to name it. Just saying, “I feel angry!” can take away some of the power that you feel this strong emotion has over you.

Even better, call someone you trust to talk this feeling through with you. Having a friend to help you clear away the cobwebs can be very transformative. If this scares you, think of the situation in reverse. If a friend called you and said, “hey I’m having the worst day, and I’m feeling angry,” you would most likely respond with compassion.

Imagine these words, “I know just how you feel. Tell me what’s going on, I’m here for you.” These are the words we need to hear when we are in an anger crisis. The roots of fear, shame, and vulnerability make it hard to take off their mask of anger to be seen. Its easier to just keep getting angry, to not do the work, and to hide from others the deeper feelings underneath.

As you do your hard work, showing up as yourself, remember that others need your compassion. Under their anger is someone scared to be vulnerable, someone too ashamed to share, or someone full of fear. Showing each other compassion will change our world. What if we listened instead of accused? What if we got curious instead of critical? Let’s give each other a hand as we talk about anger.

It is my hope that you live an inspired life in continuous growth in the direction of your dreams and goals.

Thank you for reading!

Have a blessed day!

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Beauty and Sorrow

Beauty and Sorrow

I recently heard the epiphany that beauty can’t exist without sorrow. At first glance, this idea seemed shocking and maybe not quite right. But the more I thought about it, the more I could see the truth of beauty and sadness intertwined everywhere.

Nothing beautiful lasts. A sunset is gone in minutes. A flower fades and dies after it’s bloom. In all of.. life, death is wrapped up inside it. When a perfect baby is born, death is also birthed. In thinking about this idea, I couldn’t help but see these patterns and connections in motherhood which may give us the ultimate viewpoint of beauty and sorrow.

Motherhood

Motherhood is full of firsts and lasts. Both are unpredictable and sudden. The firsts are anticipated with joy and excitement. When will they take their first step? And then one day, they just do. And on and on the firsts continue. Soon they are talking, reading, riding a bike… These beautiful things we love to love. But tied up in them, is the loss of them.

The lasts are harder because you don’t know its a last until it doesn’t ever happen again. Its that beauty and sorrow connection. It is the goal of parenting for your kids to move on, grow up, change and be who they are meant to be. But at each stage there is a grief of sorts for what once was, and will never be again.

I have felt many of these bittersweet changes. The last story in the rocking chair with a toddler in my lap, the last cuddles in my bed early in the morning, the last carry a sleeping child in from the car ride, and many more besides.

The Waves

It hit me again this morning that I may be nearing another last. The first warm-ish day we’ve had in months came, which begged us to venture out to the park. My oldest said good-bye to park days long ago, but Middlest and little W wanted to go.

It was a Friday, so most kids were in school (we don’t do school on Fridays). The park was full of my past life, moms with toddlers, babies, and pre-schoolers. It hit me suddenly that this was my past and not my present. With little W at 9 years old, taller than anyone else there that morning, and Middlest, looking like the teenager he has now become.

Is this it? I thought. Could this be one of our last times they want to run and play together at the park?

I tell you this because I think its important to recognize the moments in our lives when change is occurring. And furthermore, our feelings about those changes and any grief that rises up. It was rising up in me. But not in a terrible wave, just that gentle soaking of the feet in the tide… here it comes, it’s happening again. The beauty and the sorrow holding hands.

Sometimes the waves are bigger, and I really miss my babies. It’s just part of being a Mom. The Summer before last, (when we all stayed in) I made my first ever quilt. And not just any quilt. I used the saved and cherished baby clothes for this project, so that whenever I miss my babies, I can get it out and have something to hold on to.

For me, this was healing and it’s own sort of grief. It’s an acknowledgement of what was, and that beautiful entanglement joy and sorrow share. I couldn’t have what I have without the waves. The fading of the beauty is sometimes what makes it so beautiful, the simple fact that it won’t last forever.

So what does this have to do with the enneagram?

Learning your enneagram number is only the beginning. It is both beauty and sorrow to see plainly who you are. And some things need to pass away for other things to bloom and grow. Once you see the patterns that have brought you to where you are today, it’s time for a wave of change in your life.

You find the path of growth through being honest with yourself. Embracing what has been your life, and looking forward to what you want for yourself comes next.

The enneagram is a great example of this beauty and sorrow phenomenon. It is always present, always cyclical, always moving. Recognizing a truth in ourselves that needs to change leads us to a wave of change that allows for that part of us to fade away. Moving into new patterns is another wave we catch.

It is my hope that you can truly see yourself in beauty and see the things in your life that aren’t healthy anymore. Let go of those things that aren’t serving the kind of life you desire.

Embrace the patterns of beauty and sorrow as they show up in your life and spread inspiration as you travel this journey.

Grab this overview of all 9 enneagram types below:

I think you’re really going to love this packet! It includes all the little things about each type in an easy to follow, and creative layout. In one page for each type, you will get a snapshot of the type’s core fears, desires, weaknesses, their longings, what they look like at their worst and their best, and even some tips on how to love this type. Check it out!

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Enneagram Type 5 and Fictional Characters

One of the wonderful things about this Enneagram and fictional Characters series, is that it gives you a snapshot of the enneagram type.

Seeing the behaviors, motivations, and passions of a fictional character will help you identify that character. When we talk about ourselves or others, sometimes its hard to be honest, but talking about characters is more accessible, and less threatening. Today, lets’ spend some time with Enneagram 5 and fictional characters.

Jane Eyre

Yes, Jane Eyre strikes me as an enneagram type 5! She is definitely in the head triad, spending much of her time thinking, wondering, and considering. (she most likely has a four wing, adding to her depth of thought, but we won’t get into that here).

Jane has a deep love of books, and spends much of her time reading and learning. She excels at the boarding school, dutifully working hard at her studies and following the rules. Later on, she becomes a teacher, and even a governess.

Furthermore, Jane highly values logic and capability. She figures out how to make her way in life on her own, and follows the most logical path. When she started working for Mr. Rochester as a governess to his ward, she never expected to fall in love with him. He finds her “to point answers,” and quirky-ness adorable. I find them enneagram five-ish.

Enneagram Type 5 and fictional characters

Although, most girls of her time would flirt and put on a facade, presenting themselves in the way most apt to get them a marriage proposal, Jane is simply herself at all times. She doesn’t go after Mr. Rochester, in fact she tries to deny her feelings for a long time. She is surprised to find herself jealous of a girl whom she thinks Mr. Rochester is interested in.

In other words, fives are often unaware and surprised by their own feelings. They don’t go out of their way to get attention. They are fine doing their own thing out of the spot light. A type five like Jane, can easily be looked over at a large gathering. They simply don’t play the social games that everyone else seems to play.

Finally, Jane Eyre makes a great snapshot of an enneagram type five in relation to her independence. She leaves on her own, telling no one of her plans to leave in the middle of the night. It is only as a last, desperate resort that she asks for help when she can’t go on any longer.

What do you think? Is Jane a type 5?

Professor (Severus) Snape

I see Professor Snape as a classic Enneagram Type 5. He is one of the most skilled and educated wizards of his time. His extensive research and knowledge/love of knowing, “how to bottle death,” etc. show his dedication and five-like qualities. There isn’t a potion too challenging for him, or an herb he doesn’t know. Snape is more than “book smart.” Remember, he’s the half-blood prince?

Type five falls into the withdrawn stance on the enneagram. This means that Snape and all fives, are looking back in the past, dwelling on things gone. We definitely see this with Snape. His whole life is about the past. Promises he made to those long gone, wrongs done to him, and memories both good and torturous are what occupy his present.

He doesn’t allow himself to get close to anyone, keeping his heart guarded and his emotions locked away. His dedication is to the cause, the only thing he has left of the one he loves.

Mr. Darcy

Enneagram type 5 and fictional characters

It may surprise you to think of Mr. Darcy as an enneagram type 5. Could it be his snobbishness is actually a misinterpretation of his shyness or classic type five withdrawn nature?

Type fives are also known to hoard emotions. They have a hard time feeling emotions when they are happening in real time. Instead, they store those emotions to think about and process at a later time. We don’t get to see Mr. Darcy processing his emotions, but we do get to see the result of this. After processing how he really feels about Elizabeth Bennet, he shows his love by helping her family avoid public shame, and writing her a letter to clear up misunderstandings.

Mr. Darcy displays many of the strong type 5 characteristics. He is logical, capable, and a deep thinker. Residing in the head triad, which is also the fear triad, he is hesitant to follow his heart, because he is not used to those feelings. When he does get in touch with those deep feelings through thinking through them, it all turns out good in the end!

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. Who is your favorite enneagram type 5 fictional character?

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Love Letters to the Enneagram Types 8 and 9

Love Letters to the Enneagram Types 8 and 9

Who doesn’t love a letter? And especially a LOVE Letter! I have enjoyed writing specific love letters to the enneagram types 8 and 9, and every enneagram type for this series! We are all so different and deserving of a letter made just for us!

I hope you enjoy these love letters and please spread the love! Share them with the people that need to hear them the most!

Want to download and print this letter?

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Thanks for reading! I hope you have enjoyed this love letters series and that it has brought some positivity into your life and the lives of those around you!

Blessings!

Love. What is it?

What is love? Some would say love is caring deeply about someone. Others might say, putting the needs, desires and wants of others above your own is really what love means. What if love is attention? Then we have to ask, what is attention?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines it this way:

  1. The act of close or careful observing or listening.
  2. The ability or power to keep the mind on something; the ability to concentrate.
  3. Notice or observation.

Sounds a lot like the way we think of love doesn’t it? What if we took this idea and applied it to the enneagram types and their specific needs? Many of the types are gifted naturally at these skills of careful observing, listening, concentrating on what or who is in front of them. If this isn’t in your natural skill set, these are actually things you can get better at.

Since everyone desires attention and careful observation in different ways, I have written a love letter to each enneagram type expressing what they specifically would like to hear. What better way to let someone know how much you care than by giving them a love letter?

Right now you can grab the bundle!

This includes love letters to ALL 9 types! And at the special price of only $25

Love. What is it?

Click the image above or the button below to get your love letter bundle:

Remember to give those around you the care and attention they deserve… it really does show the love they crave. Find out what message they need to hear from you. Spend time this week expressing your love in all the ways you can!

Positivity really can change the world! It truly has a ripple affect!

Thanks for reading, and keep on living life inspired.

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Love Letters to the Enneagram Types 6 & 7

Love Letters to the Enneagram Types 6 & 7

Are you anticipating a lovely, Big, extravagant Valentines Day next week? Or maybe you prefer simple plans with a night in. Either way, there is no better gift than a love letter! Isn’t that what we all want to hear any ways? We want to know that we are loved, and it doesn’t hurt to have it in writing!

Please enjoy today’s love letters dedicated to types 6 and 7!

Love Letters to the Enneagram Types

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Love Letters to the Enneagram Types 6 & 7

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Enneagram Love Letters

Types Three, Four, and Five

I am continuing the Love Letter Series this week, dedicating a love letter to each enneagram number. What better gift, than the expression of love through words?

Please enjoy today’s enneagram love letters to types three, four, and Five!

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Grab a download PDF of this love letter to type 5 here:

I hope you have enjoyed these love letters to types, 3, 4, and 5! Share them, print them, read them aloud!

Live an inspired life!

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Enneagram Love Letters

Happy February Friends!

It’s the month we love to love! I also love February because my second son was born ten days before Valentines Day. Celebrating his birthday is always a highlight for our family. This year we are Celebrating with his favorite superhero, Spider-Man!

I don’t love the over-commercialized side of Valentines Day, but what I do love is the focal point of expressing our love for each other. This idea I can get on board with! Saying I love you to someone is important, and the way you say it, can mean the world.

I thought I would begin this month with a dedication to each type and why I love that type. I hope you enjoy reading this series, “Love Letters to the 9 Types.” My goal is that each type will “feel the love,” and realize that they deserve it! Please share these letters with someone you love. And last of all, read your type and embrace the words meant just for you!

Enjoy this week’s love letters to type one and type two:

Enneagram Love Letters

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And now sending love to type two…

Enneagram Love Letters

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Share the love! I hope you enjoyed those love letters and that you will spend some time this month intentionally giving love to those around you in a way they can receive it best.

Blessings!

Live inspired.

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Enneagram type 4 and Fictional Characters

The thing about enneagram type fours that is most noticeable is their intensity. Whether up or down, type fours aren’t afraid to embrace the emotion they are in. Let’s take a look at the enneagram type 4 and fictional characters.

Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

Enneagram type 4 and fictional characters

Talk about intensity… Anne Shirley is the Queen of ups and downs. She is famous for her dramatic responses. Remember how she must have puffed sleeves? She focuses on this as a life or death need. She also uses phrases like, “I’m in the pit of despair!” and names every tree and special place in Green Gables, in awe of the beauty in her surroundings.

Type four is also known for their tendency to compare themselves to others and count themselves short. Anne is always wishing she had any color of hair, but the red locks she has. “If only…” then I would be happy. “How would it feel to have beautiful raven locks?”

Fours go deep fast. Almost instantly, Anne decides that she and Diana will be bosom buddies, best friends forever. Type four hates the mundane and shallow, they long for depth of meaning and express this openly, as Anne does constantly.

Marilla is often scolding Anne for neglecting her chores, instead finding her singing a sonnet or reciting a poem. Playing pretend is one of Anne’s favorite things to do. This lets her escape the boring reality of her situation. Often times, she finds herself in her imagination, a safe and beautiful place to be when the world outside has rejected and scorned her.

Luna Lovegood

Enneagram Type 4 and Fictional Characters

What’s not to love? Luna Lovegood from the Harry Potter Series, shows us the mystical side of fours. She loves to believe in the strange and magical. Even for the magical world, she edges on the bizarre and non-typical.

She is open to others opinions, and values everyone as equal. This is a beautiful and disarming feature of four. They are open-hearted and accepting, making others feel loved and brought in easily.

Luna often seems like she is living in her imagination, daydreaming and almost floating along. She also understands the darker side of life and is not afraid of it. Only people who have seen death in their lives can see the Thestrals (the skeleton-horses that pull the carriages to Hogwarts). Both Harry and Luna can see them. Everyone else thinks the carriages simply pull themselves.

Luna really takes this in stride, allowing the deep emotion to linger and even sharing it with Harry.

Marianne Dashwood (Sense and Sensibility)

Enneagram type 4 and fictional characters

You have probably heard a type four referred to as, “The Romantic Individualist.” This title fits Marianne Dashwood through and through. She would never settle for someone down to earth, and boring! (or would she)?

Type fours, like Marianne, are also known for their idealistic nature. They have high hopes and dreams for a perfect world, or partner, or lifestyle. Fours love to daydream and get lost in these notions of finding their perfect… whatever it may be.

As we see with Marianne, what looks like an exciting romantic partner, may not be what actually compliments type 4. She finds a harmonious partner in the unexpected, ordinary Colonel Brandon. When she overlooks him in the beginning, it is mostly because he is not her romantic ideal. She hasn’t imagined herself with someone so “boring.” But we see that he adds the balance to her dramatics that she so desperately needs.

We also see Marianne’s “four-ness” affect her sister Eleanor’s life. Marianne just can’t understand how Eleanor can be so emotionless about the man she loves. In her eyes, Eleanor needs to speak up about her feelings for Edward, or risk losing him.

Marianne also shows the hot and cold of the type four well. When things are going well for her, she is singing and dancing and the most joyous woman who ever lived. When she is faced with disappointment, her pit of despair is so deep she can barely crawl out of it.

Thanks for taking a look at this intuitive, sensitive, and passionate enneagram type 4 through these fictional characters with me!

I hope you enjoyed it!

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enneagram type 4 and fictional characters

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Enneagram type 3 and fictional characters

Enneagram type 3 is fairly easy to spot in fictional characters because they are openly image conscious and extremely charming. They become whoever they need to be for the person, or people they are with. Threes love flattery, adoration, and attention. Their “crime of passion,” is deceit, lying to get what they want seems a small price to pay for threes: kings of rationalizing. Let’s talk about enneagram type 3 and fictional characters.

Scarlet O’hara

Our first example, Scarlet O’hara, is a perfect example of an enneagram type 3 fictional character. The belle of the south, she charms her way into the heart of many. She doesn’t mind that she also breaks hearts wherever she goes, as long as she gets what she wants in the end.

“Image conscious much, Miss Scarlet?” She takes the part of looking like the belle of the south seriously. Even when she has no money to dress herself properly, she enlists her servant to make her a gown out of the drapery so she won’t appear poor.

Her deceitfulness and charm do get Scarlet pretty far, but she is no match for Rhett Butler (who might also be considered a type 3). He sees right through her games, and falls in love with who she really is underneath.

It is hard for the type 3 to let go of the mask and stop performing. They believe to earn love, they must put on a show. They are only as good as their acheivements in their minds.

Scarlet does achieve! When she is left destitute on her plantation with no one, she makes sure there is food to eat, and begins to plan for the future, as threes can’t help but look forward. She has the, “failure is not an option” attitude of the type 3, and intends on winning in every aspect of her life.

Gilderoy Lockhart (from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

The enneagram and fictional characters

Gilderoy Lockhart moves his career ahead through literally stealing the successful stories of brave wizards, performing a forgetting charm on them, and claiming their success as his own. Only a type three could smear the paths of right and wrong without a backward glance. Not only does he move ahead in life on this horrible deceit, but her wants to look good while doing it.

He is constantly concerned with his appearance and making sure he gets in front of the camera whenever one is nearby. He also has photos of himself up on the walls literally everywhere. This shows his type 3 image consciousness, and selfishness.

Type 3 loves admiration and flattery. We see Lockhart enjoying long lines of people waiting for his autograph in his latest book, and signing piles of fan mail with his portrait. He truly loves the attention and adoration drawn by his super fans.

Mr. Wickham

The enneagram type 3 and fictional characters

Another great example of a type 3 in literature (or film), is Mr. Wickham from Pride and Prejudice. He is the dashing soldier, charming and attractive who easily steals the hearts of many. With a simple look he can change the emotions in the room. He is social and popular, easy to like on the surface.

When we are first introduced to Mr. Wickham, we believe him to be noble and worthy of Elizabeth Bennet, our heroine. But we soon learn that his stories were full of falsehoods, in attempt to make himself look good.

When his lies fail to work on Elizabeth, he using his charm to attach himself to her younger sister, creating a new mess for everyone involved. He fears failure and not living up to the standards that society and birth have set for him.

The tragedy here is that he hasn’t learned his own value and insists on masquerading through life as who he thinks others wish him to be. He is self-promoting, and pretentious, letting his higher qualities go to waste.

Rachel Green

In exploring the enneagram type 3 and fictional characters we find another example in Rachel Green from “Friends.”

The enneagram type 3 and fictional characters

If you have seen the T.V. show friends, it is easy to see that Rachel’s character displays many of the type 3 behaviors, qualities and motivations. She is well-liked, has been popular in every phase of her life, and uses her good looks and charm to get what she wants.

The series begins with her making her first move of growth when she leaves her own wedding to a man she doesn’t want to marry. She is leaving behind a life of wealth and “easy living,” for a life of struggle, but one she will make her own. This is the beginning of her awareness and growth arch as a character.

Seeing success as living the life she wants instead of living a life full of money and things, is a big turning point for Rachel. The rest of the series follows her trying a failing, and trying again in relationships, careers, and other obstacles.

One of the great things about type 3: they don’t give up.

I hope you enjoyed this take on a few popular characters, helping us to understand the type 3 a little better.

Are you a type 3? Do you know a type 3? Maybe you thought of a different fictional character who is a type 3… feel free to comment about it!

Here is a type 3 pdf printable you can grab by using the button below.

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