3 Tips to a Better Community

Did you know that belonging to a community and engaging well, is part of personal self-care? It might seem counter-intuitive, after-all isn’t community about others?

Yes, and no.

Community is about the whole, you and them. This reciprocal relationship is vital to our personal well-being and success in life. Our deepest longings have to do with being known, accepted, heard, and loved. None of these things can happen without community. You can’t do life well all on your own.

So let’s talk about 3 tips to a better community.

Tip #1: Learn your enneagram type

The oldest wisdom tells us that first we must know ourselves before we can understand the world around us, or the people in it. How can we expect others to understand us, if we don’t even understand ourselves?

You are probably familiar with the following quotes:

“Know thyself.”

-Socrates

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

-Aristotle

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”

-Charles Bukowski

These quotes all point in the common direction of discovering who you are. The best way to do that, is through the wisdom of the enneagram. Unlike other personality typing systems, the enneagram looks deeper than behavior. The enneagram is based on your inner motivations, which only you know, or are aware of. Many of us might act the same way on the outside, but inwardly we are motivated by very different things.

Understanding your own motivations, means you know why you do the things you do. The puzzle of the world begins to make sense because you can finally see where, and how you fit into place. Not only will the enneagram explain your motivations, but your key longings, your core fears, the way you connect with others, and many other deeper meaningful aspects of the human condition.

The enneagram is the beginning of the journey of a lifetime.

Still aren’t sure what your type is?

Once you discover your true self, you begin to interact with others in new ways. Why?

You are more self-aware. This makes you see the patterns you get caught in, the ways you pull back, or push forward, and how you are harmful or helpful in any given situation. Seeing yourself clearly, allows you to grow and improve the way you do life.

Tip #2: Intentionally working on your own weak spots

Sorry, there is no shortcut.

If you want to improve your relationships and engage better in your community groups, you actually have to work on things within yourself that are not serving you or others. As we just pointed out, your awareness is heightened through knowing yourself. The enneagram is like a map, showing you paths available to you. You can use these paths to grow, to avoid your typical pitfalls, to lean in to your strengths, and to overcome weak spots.

Start by asking yourself good questions.

Why do I feel this way?

What is motivating me?

Is there something I am missing?

Am I jumping in, when I should be holding back?

Who am I doing this for?

If I don’t do this, what will happen?

Am I over-thinking?

Am I getting stuck in the past, and forgetting to move forward?

What feelings are behind this action?

Is it okay if I don’t pursue this?

Will this action harm someone?

Invite a friend to join you on your journey.

Only you know what your true motivations are, the thoughts inside your head, and the feelings inside your heart. However, a good friend can be crucially important to walk alongside you, as you dedicate yourself to working on hard things.

Share what you are struggling with, and become accountability partners for each other. Through this sharing you will experience growth, as well as opening up a space of vulnerability for your friend to feel comfortable growing along with you.

Tip#3: Take it to your group/community

I once heard this story about how a boat party works that really made me think about the way community works:

First, the largest, heaviest boat drops anchor. This boat serves as a building block for other boats to tie up along either side. The lines are tied as tightly as possible to minimize motion between the boats. It is important for the joining boats to alternate sides as they join to keep the balance.

With the anchor in the middle, there is equal tension and the least amount of swing. Now that all the boats are tied together, they become like one large vessel. They are connected so well, that people can walk from one to the next, as if it is the same boat.

I’m sure you see what I’m getting at.

You can be the one who drops anchor first. Knowing yourself, gives you the wisdom to lead others, connecting them in ways they never would have dreamed. You can be the building block of your group, keeping the balance, advising through equal tension, keeping space for everyone who wants to join. This is what community can look like.

And if you don’t see yourself as the anchor, maybe it’s your friend who you’ve been sharing your journey with. I love the picture of coming up alongside another boat, and tying yourself to them tightly. It’s a statement of “where you go, I will go. Whatever may come, I will be beside you. We belong together.”

If that’s not beautiful community, I don’t know what is.

“People are most impacted by being known and accepted.”

Let someone know today, that you see them, that they matter, and that they are loved and known by you. Think of how big your “boat party” could stretch if you begin with an open heart and a hand outstretched in kindness.

I hope these 3 tips help you engage better in your own personal communities, and that your life is enriched along the journey.

Blessings!

You might also like:

Interested in learning more about the enneagram and sharing it with others?

Check out these beautiful print outs below. There is one for each type, or you can grab the bundle of all nine types! These are available to you as instant digital downloads, so you can start using them right away!

Grab the whole set! Great for sharing with friends or groups!

Loving Your Community Through the Enneagram

Many years ago, in my first psychology class, I remember being amazed that we all think differently. It was a big awakening moment of understanding that the people around me, weren’t thinking the same thoughts as me, or doing things for the same reasons I was, or feeling the same things I was feeling. Today, I want to talk about these differences and how we can love our communities through the enneagram.

We all know how important is is to love others. But what does that mean? Does everyone need the same kind of love and want to be loved in the same way?

I think we all know the answer is, no.

So if we all need to be loved in different ways, how do we go about loving each other?

Who is your community?

In a broad sense of course, it is everyone around you in the place where you live. Loving all of these people would be hard to do in the deep intentional way we are going to discuss today. Kindness can always be shared to everyone, but I want to talk about real love. The people who will get the benefits of your love are going to be the people in your “inner circle,” the people you claim as your group, who you belong to and they belong to you. (Read more about why we need community to thrive, here).

Maybe its your family, maybe its your church group, or maybe its the people you gather with in a coffee shop every week. Whomever you include in your community, the first step in loving them well, is knowing them well.

This is where the enneagram becomes the most useful tool in your toolbox.

The enneagram first shows you how you see the world, and then shows you how other people see the world. When these two ways of seeing come together a lot can happen. Compassion grows for yourself, and others. This changes your relationships in only positive ways. You begin to understand why people do what they do, instead of simply reacting to what they do.

So how does loving your community through the enneagram work?

Learning the enneagram is going to help you understand yourself.

Beginning with yourself is always the best place to start. After all, you can only control your own actions, reaction, and decisions. When you learn the enneagram, you will begin to notice your patterns of both positive and negative motivations. You can practice pausing before you would normally make a negative reaction, or begin down a path you didn’t intend to go.

Once you have learned about yourself:

Your motivations, your core needs and desires, and your fears and patterns of disintegration…

It is your job to teach others about yourself. This knowledge is power. The people in your community want to love you well, but it is not intuitive. Understanding how to love people the way they need to be loved is a complicated matter. It takes time and intention to do this well. So, why not spell it out? Take some of the mystery out of this complicated life.

Once the people around you know your number, it’s time to start learning theirs. This is going to be an eye-opening experience. Dynamics will begin to make sense. You will start to understand why people do certain things, why they express themselves the way they do. The enneagram will show you exactly what each type needs.

Why learn the enneagram with a group?

This will only bring your group closer together. It may even help heal wounds, and provide a forward path for the future.

Self growth is accomplished best when supported by a group. This is a key opportunity for everyone to do together. (And it might even be fun)! Taking the time to learn about each other shows that you care deeply about one another too!

Grab this “Loving the 9 Types- The Cheat Sheet” below by clicking here, to help you understand a quick overview of how each type needs to be loved.

Loving Your Community Through The Enneagram

The discovery kit below is a great place to start your journey. It has information on all 9 types and is perfect for a group. Grab it here.

loving your community through the enneagram

Below you will find a beginners enneagram VIDEO course! This is a great tool for groups, and only takes 45 minutes to go through! Perfect for a night together learning about each other. Grab the download now!

loving your community through the enneagram

As always, it is my hope that you have an inspired day!

Thanks for reading!