Enneagram Love Letters

Types Three, Four, and Five

I am continuing the Love Letter Series this week, dedicating a love letter to each enneagram number. What better gift, than the expression of love through words?

Please enjoy today’s enneagram love letters to types three, four, and Five!

Want a download of this love letter? Grab it here:

Want to download this love letter? Grab it here:

Grab a download PDF of this love letter to type 5 here:

I hope you have enjoyed these love letters to types, 3, 4, and 5! Share them, print them, read them aloud!

Live an inspired life!

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Is Your Enneagram Passion Controlling you?

You might not know it, but deep in your core you have a passion that drives all other things in your life. You may even think you have control over it. But I’ve got news for you, this passion will be your life’s struggle. Today I want to talk about the passion of the enneagram types and why our inner passion has control over us.

Do you know what your passion is?

Let’s start there. Passion is usually associated with drive and positive asperations. This is not what we are talking about here. The passions of the enneagram types are more like a vice. That thing which causes us to repeat downward spirals and negative patterns of behavior.

Your passion is your subconscious, underlying motivation for why and even how you do everything. Most likely, you are unaware of it until you really start doing work on yourself.

This is the part of learning the enneagram that makes us a bit uncomfortable because seeing our “dark side,” not only makes us feel vulnerable, but also a bit embarrassed.

However, seeing this side of the types will help you identify your type if you were struggling before. It’s like direct honesty cutting through all the fluff and revealing your deepest darkest secret.

Take a look at the passions below. Does yours make you want to run and hide, or disown it altogether? Most people have that reaction.

The passions of the 9 types

Type 1: Anger

Type 2: Pride

Type 3: Deceit

Type 4: Envy

Type 5: Avarice

Type 6: Fear

Type 7: gluttony

Type 8: Lust

Type 9: Sloth

enneagram passions

Virtues

We can’t talk about passions without also talking about virtues. I like to think of the virtue as what each type was before the world told them who they should be. Before the patterns were learned, the defense mechanisms, the baggage, or lack of boundaries given, each type would have looked like their virtue.

The way it is though, we have to work hard to reach our virtues. They are there buried inside us somewhere, but they aren’t always easy to dig up and it takes boundless effort. The goal in learning the enneagram is to turn from passion to virtue a little here and a little there. With Intentional awareness, beginning to notice you have it in you to silence one and step forward in to another.

Most of us will see our virtue come out when life is good and we are doing well. We move into our strength number on the enneagram, which is usually where the virtue can shine easily.

For example: When a type one moves to the high side of seven, they have let go of perfecting things, they feel calm and content, some might even say serene.

Take a look at the virtues below, they will have the opposite affect of reading your passion. Can you just imagine a world where everyone reached this full potential… the best version of themselves? Think of being surrounded by these powerful words- all such gifts and forces of good.

So what are the virtues?

Type 1: Serenity

Type 2: Humility

Type 3: Honesty

Type 4:Contentment

Type 5: Generosity

Type 6: Courage

Type 7: Sobriety

Type 8: Innocence

Type 9: Action

passions of the 9 types

I hope you enjoyed reading about the 9 types and the passions and virtues. It is so fascinating to me!

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Want an overview packet of all 9 types?

Each page includes the basics on everything for each type.

Here’s what they look like:

Is It Just Me? The Enneagram and Loneliness

At different phases of my life, I have felt strong waves of loneliness. The waves are beginning to rise again; I can feel them coming. But I’m not lonely necessarily for company. I’m an introvert who longs for time alone. So how can I be lonely if I like being alone? I’ve come to the conclusion that their are different kinds of loneliness. Today, I’m going to talk about the enneagram and loneliness. Maybe it’s not just me, maybe we are all feeling a little bit lonely together…

the enneagram and loneliness

Different Kinds of Loneliness

The kind of loneliness that craves interaction with people is probably what most think of when thinking of loneliness. This includes: a longing for company, the discomfort of isolation, and an overall sense of being alone. This is not the kind of loneliness that I feel most often.

The other loneliness is less physical and more psychological. The root of both I would say, is the same. Both are unwanted, and unchosen, and come from disconnection. As a type 6, I value connection very highly and it is this disconnection that makes me feel lonely. I am lonely for others to be on my side, to feel the deep connections of understanding one another, and the reassurance that we are in this together.

I don’t need someone to physically be with me to feel that kind of connection. Though at times a real in person interaction is refreshing and comforting. I think the common core to all kinds of loneliness is lack of connection.

The enneagram and loneliness

Enneagram and Loneliness

What types feel lonely the most, you might wonder? It might be a tie between fours, sixes and twos. Type one might fall as a close second.

Fours

I want to talk about type four first because fours feel everything strongly. They also have this deep longing to be understood, and a feeling that something is missing in them. This combination can cause extreme loneliness and feelings of disconnection with others.

Sixes

Like I mentioned in myself, value connection deeply and when that isn’t happening in their lives, they begin to feel lost. Relationships matter to sixes more than you might think. They do play it safe for the most part, but once you are a friend of theirs, they want that deep connection with you, and will do anything for you in order to protect that.

Twos

Twos think about others and relationships more than any other number. They want to do things with you and for you and think about you all the time. They crave both a physical connection and a connection of understanding. This type will start to feel down and lonely when the important relationships in their lives are not nurturing them and appreciating them.

Ones

Ones are good at getting things done all on their own, but they start to miss interacting and connection with people when they’ve been on their own too long. In fact, ones need others to pull on their fun side and help them loosen up. When this is lacking, ones begin to feel that solitude creep in and wake them up to the need of their good friends.

Let’s talk about the other types that might not feel lonely as easily or as deeply.

Sevens

Sevens definitely want an audience to share their stories with and a sidekick to come along on all of their adventures. When this type is alone too long, they get restless. They might not be able to pin point that what they are feeling is the lack of connection with others, but they will fall into a downward mood.

Eights

Eights are known to trailblaze paths and sometimes leave people behind, but they truly value the people they love and need intimate time with them. This type also has a hard time naming and recognizing feelings, so they might not be able to say that they are feeling lonely. However, when they haven’t connected with those they love for too long, it shows.

Nines

Nines can get lost in their own world and substitute other things for human connection. They forget that their is a world out there full of people who could positively influence their lives. They sometimes choose not to be influenced at all, which inevitably leads to loneliness.

Fives

Fives are in the withdrawn stance along with type nine. They easily move inward and fall asleep to their own need for connection with others. They can get caught up in researching their current interest and forget to reach out to those they care about. A feeling of loneliness might creep up on a type five unexpectedly. But in my opinion, they might be the least likely type to feel lonely.

Is Loneliness a problem?

Loneliness, if not addressed, can become crippling and even cause health issues. That deep feeling of isolation causes us to consider our worth, our belonging and our purpose. When we don’t connect with others we can begin to lose our way, falling down a deep hole of depression.

We all feel lonely at times, and we all need connection with each other. It is important to check on those we care about that might be a different type than us. We all need to know that we hold a special place in the hearts of those we love and that they desire connection with us, just as much as we desire it from them.

What can we do when we are lonely?

Being aware of your own feelings and patterns is the most important first step. You can catch yourself before you enter that awful pit of despair. Ask yourself questions like:

  • Have I connected with my friends lately?
  • Do I have someone with whom I feel understands me completely?
  • Am I taking the time to have real conversations with the people around me?
  • Do I race through my day without “seeing” the people I am with?

These questions will give you a starting place. You might find that your answers are eye opening and you haven’t been taking good care of yourself and your relationships. Staying connected with people involves investment in both time and energy. But it is so important to your well being and your overall feeling about your life.

If you are feeling lonely, try not to sit in it too long. Make a positive step towards connecting with someone as soon as you can. Call a friend, make plans to meet up with someone this week. Start a group that meets on a regular basis so that you can be confident you will get the connection you crave.

Is it just me? No, everyone feels lonely.

It is my hope that you will live inspired and spread the goodness you have inside you with others.

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Wondering what to say to someone? If you know their type, here are a few phrases each type needs to hear:

5 Words Each Enneagram Number Needs to Hear Most

Each enneagram number is motivated differently and has a desire to hear certain things from the people that care about them. What if you knew 5 words that would be exactly the thing they need to hear? Today I am going to share with you 5 words each enneagram number needs to hear most.

Enneagram Type One

One’s care a lot about doing things right and doing them well. They want to make a difference in the world. This type is also strongly moral and highly ethical. So what does type one want to hear most?

“I see goodness in you.”

Enneagram Type Two

Two’s are friendly and helpful, but what they are really searching for is that friendship and love in return. They are deeply sensitive and dependent on others for their self-worth. What words do they need most?

“You’re loved no matter what.”

Enneagram Type Three

Three’s strive to succeed and achieve above all else. They are always performing and using their charm to get ahead. This power number feels they must earn love by doing. They need to hear these words…

“You are loved for you.”

5 words each enneagram number needs to hear most

Enneagram Type Four

Four’s are deeply emotional and expressive. They often feel misunderstood and out of place. Am I too much for you? They want to know. Fours don’t shy away from big feelings. What 5 words do they need to hear?

“I am here with you.”

Enneagram Type Five

Fives are extremely capable and responsible. They like figuring things out on their own and in their own space. It is easy for fives to forget that other people in their lives can help them. What do Fives need to hear?

“It’s okay to have needs.”

Enneagram Type Six

Sixes are often anxious, scanning the horizon for possible catastrophes and worst case scenarios. They feel unsettled when they don’t know what to expect or when their is no consistency in their lives. What 5 words do sixes need to hear most?

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

Enneagram Type Seven

Sevens don’t like being put in a “box,” or trapped. They love new opportunities, trying things they’ve never done before, and adventure that they get to plan themselves. This enthusiastic type longs for freedom. So what 5 words do sevens need to hear most?

“Let’s plan a trip together!”

5 words each enneagram type needs to hear most

Enneagram Type Eight

Eights are strong, confident, and a little rough around the edges. They highly value honesty and directness in communication. This type has a wall built up around their most vulnerable parts and only allows a cherished few inside. What do they need to hear most?

“I will never betray you.”

Enneagram Type Nine

Nines get lost in a crowd easily because they are happy to go along with anyone. They merge with whomever they are with, and often don’t stand up for themselves. Their self esteem suffers when they can’t articulate their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. What 5 words do nines need to hear most?

“You’re presence matters to me.”

Knowing these simple phrases will help you understand each type because they cut right to the core desire for each one. I hope you will use them, contemplate on them, and be inspired by them.

Thanks for reading!

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Loving your community through the enneagram

Want a printable of the 5 words that each enneagram type needs to hear most? You can get it below:

Want to study the enneagram with your friends? This video course below is perfect for small groups!

Want a printable workbook to go through all the types together? This one below, covers all the basics!

50 page enneagram workbook

Loving Your Community Through the Enneagram

Many years ago, in my first psychology class, I remember being amazed that we all think differently. It was a big awakening moment of understanding that the people around me, weren’t thinking the same thoughts as me, or doing things for the same reasons I was, or feeling the same things I was feeling. Today, I want to talk about these differences and how we can love our communities through the enneagram.

We all know how important is is to love others. But what does that mean? Does everyone need the same kind of love and want to be loved in the same way?

I think we all know the answer is, no.

So if we all need to be loved in different ways, how do we go about loving each other?

Who is your community?

In a broad sense of course, it is everyone around you in the place where you live. Loving all of these people would be hard to do in the deep intentional way we are going to discuss today. Kindness can always be shared to everyone, but I want to talk about real love. The people who will get the benefits of your love are going to be the people in your “inner circle,” the people you claim as your group, who you belong to and they belong to you. (Read more about why we need community to thrive, here).

Maybe its your family, maybe its your church group, or maybe its the people you gather with in a coffee shop every week. Whomever you include in your community, the first step in loving them well, is knowing them well.

This is where the enneagram becomes the most useful tool in your toolbox.

The enneagram first shows you how you see the world, and then shows you how other people see the world. When these two ways of seeing come together a lot can happen. Compassion grows for yourself, and others. This changes your relationships in only positive ways. You begin to understand why people do what they do, instead of simply reacting to what they do.

So how does loving your community through the enneagram work?

Learning the enneagram is going to help you understand yourself.

Beginning with yourself is always the best place to start. After all, you can only control your own actions, reaction, and decisions. When you learn the enneagram, you will begin to notice your patterns of both positive and negative motivations. You can practice pausing before you would normally make a negative reaction, or begin down a path you didn’t intend to go.

Once you have learned about yourself:

Your motivations, your core needs and desires, and your fears and patterns of disintegration…

It is your job to teach others about yourself. This knowledge is power. The people in your community want to love you well, but it is not intuitive. Understanding how to love people the way they need to be loved is a complicated matter. It takes time and intention to do this well. So, why not spell it out? Take some of the mystery out of this complicated life.

Once the people around you know your number, it’s time to start learning theirs. This is going to be an eye-opening experience. Dynamics will begin to make sense. You will start to understand why people do certain things, why they express themselves the way they do. The enneagram will show you exactly what each type needs.

Why learn the enneagram with a group?

This will only bring your group closer together. It may even help heal wounds, and provide a forward path for the future.

Self growth is accomplished best when supported by a group. This is a key opportunity for everyone to do together. (And it might even be fun)! Taking the time to learn about each other shows that you care deeply about one another too!

Grab this “Loving the 9 Types- The Cheat Sheet” below by clicking here, to help you understand a quick overview of how each type needs to be loved.

Loving Your Community Through The Enneagram

The discovery kit below is a great place to start your journey. It has information on all 9 types and is perfect for a group. Grab it here.

loving your community through the enneagram

Below you will find a beginners enneagram VIDEO course! This is a great tool for groups, and only takes 45 minutes to go through! Perfect for a night together learning about each other. Grab the download now!

loving your community through the enneagram

As always, it is my hope that you have an inspired day!

Thanks for reading!

Behind the scenes of Enneagram Type 7

Type sevens are known for their high-spiritedness and natural optimism. This type is often referred to as, “the enthusiast,” but is there more to this type than up-beat pep and energy? Let’s go behind the scenes of enneagram type 7 to find out.

The Aggressive Stance

Speaking of up-beat energy, type seven is at the top of the energy pool. Along with type 8 and type 3, type 7 is in the aggressive stance. These numbers feel big in the room. They take up space with their confidence and manner. These three numbers possess the most energy of the types, and get the most done.

The aggressive stance also means that type seven has a focus on the future. This is evident in the way sevens love to plan parties, or anything “fun,” that they can look forward to. Anticipation of the fun, is equally or even more enjoyable than the actual event.

The aggressive stance means the “doing” center of intelligence is dominant, the thinking center supports the doing, and the feeling center is repressed. For sevens, this means doing comes first. They are extremely impulsive, fast learners, and eager to go on to the next, and the next exiting thing. Thinking comes in second place for sevens, but only after doing. They fall into “asking for forgiveness later,” mentality.

Since their feeing center is repressed, sevens are very out of touch with their feelings. It is their nature to avoid feeling pain of any kind, which includes intense emotions. They subconsciously tune out or fall asleep to these kinds of feelings that make them uncomfortable.

Behind the scenes of Enneagram Type 7

Now that you know what stance the type seven is in, let’s go behind the scenes of enneagram type 7 a little more and find out about their triad.

The Head Triad

The head triad, also called the fear triad is where type seven inhabits. For the seven, this means they love thinking about ideas, and future oriented plans. They may even love reading, if it is something to keep their interest.

Though they are part of the “Fear triad,” they are out of touch with their fear. This is related to the way they handle emotions. Since fear feels negative, sevens will re-frame this into something positive or something they don’t need to deal with, or something they can deny altogether.

The biggest fear of the type seven is of missing out, or of being trapped. They definitely want to be involved in every fun plan and event going on; they want to steer clear of anything that will box them in or emotionally make them feel the feels. Disappointments, sadness, and boredom are avoided at all costs.

What we love about sevens

Sevens truly are the life of the party and a ton of fun to be around! They are eager and optimistic and want to experience all that life has to offer. The type seven is charming and friendly, with huge imaginations that serve them well. They like to do things on the fly and really see the upside of everything. What’s not to like? This cheerful type sure brightens up the world!

What does Type Seven need from others?

Companionship. They don’t want to go on their adventures alone whether real or imagined (for they are also great story-tellers) they want someone to come along for ride and someone to share their stories with.

Make them laugh. Sevens love to laugh and embrace the silly side of life. Encourage this, and laugh with them.

Accept them the way they are. Sevens don’t like to be boxed in, or restricted.

Remind them to be in the present. Sevens get lost seeking the next fun thing in the future; they need pulled down once in a while from their lofty dreams.

I hope you enjoyed going behind the scenes of enneagram type 7 where the glass is always half full.

Grab this printable below!

Any type 7 would love this candle! Get it here!