Tag Archives: Enneagram Type 2 Tips

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You may know the enneagram type 2 as the helper, but there is much more to them than their strong desire to help others. Today we are going to talk about the many facets of the type 2, going behind the scenes of enneagram type 2 to discover who they really are.

I recently heard someone refer to the type 2, as “the befriender.” I like this name more than the traditional “helper,” name given. The befriender seems more fitting for this type. They are constantly making friends everywhere they go, and hold relationships above all else.

What don’t we know about type 2?

On the surface, type twos appear the most generous. They give without ceasing or wanting anything back. Let’s go behind the scenes of enneagram two. The underlying issue here is that twos actually DO want something back. It is on a subconscious level that they operate this “give and take” contract. They have given to you, loved you, later on, they are going to expect the same generosity and love back.

If you asked a two about this, they would likely not agree, unless they are very healthy and working on these areas. Because all of this is done without them thinking about it, they don’t even realize this is their reality. But the fact remains, they do for you, so you will do for them.

Why?

Twos have an underlying motivation to be loved and accepted for who they are. If they give to you, and love you, they think they can earn your love and acceptance. Being in the heart triad, twos take in information with feelings, but there is a distance between themselves and their own feelings. They tend to be concerned with everyone else’s feelings, and neglect their own. They are also slightly image conscious (especially if they have a 3 wing, which we won’t get into detail here).

Why we love befrienders (type twos)

I happen to be married to a type 2, which makes me uniquely qualified to share why they are so beloved. Maybe my view is a scant skewed, but I can tell you…

No one listens like a 2!

When I first met my husband, it was the first time I had felt seen and heard by a boy, ever. Then, of course, I didn’t realize this was part of his “two-ness.” Twos have this amazing quality to give you their full attention. The rest of the world fades away. Their “Spidey-senses” are scanning, listening for your needs, wants, desires, anything they can fulfill. This circles back to their need for approval, appreciation, and ultimately, love.

Though it may come off as people-pleasing at times, two’s are excellent care-takers. They will anticipate your needs before you ask them. Nurturing comes naturally to them, and they want nothing more than to fulfill the needs of those around them. They do this without complaint, and will continue cheerfully serving especially when given even an ounce of appreciation.

Thinking Repressed

Twos happen to be in the thinking repressed stance. This doesn’t mean they don’t use the thinking intelligence center, only that they aren’t using it productively. Most of their thoughts center around other people, and relationships. Things like, “oh, this would be great for so and so,” or “I wonder how so and so is doing… I should go check on them, and bring them a casserole.” These are great thoughts, kind thoughts. However, the two has a hard time focusing on themselves, and what work they need to be doing to improve their own lives.

Being thinking repressed also means that twos orientation to time, is the present. They are in the moment people. They aren’t thinking about the past or the future. This is probably what makes them such good listeners. It can also make them poor planners, and a bit on the spontaneous side.

What Type 2 Needs from us

Type twos almost never speak their needs aloud. This can make it hard to know how to help them, when they are always playing the role of the helper.

An easy thing that goes a long way is appreciation. Let the twos in your life know how much you appreciate all the little things they do for you. If you step back and take notice it is probably more than you realize. Send them a note, or text thanking them for whatever way they recently served you.

Do something thoughtful for them. This may seem obvious, but returning the favor of service and thoughtfulness is really something twos crave. If they are always watching your kids for you, take their kids for a change. Bring them a favorite coffee, or help them with a current project.

Another tip to remember, twos may be the most sensitive type on the enneagram. Because of this, they don’t take criticism well, so tread with caution in this area. It’s nice to use the sandwich strategy: positive compliment to begin (like the bottom piece of bread) criticism in the middle (like the meat of the sandwich) and then another positive compliment to end (like the top piece piece of bread). This strategy works really well in most cases.

Thanks for reading! It was fun taking a behind the scenes look at enneagram type 2 with you! I love all the type twos in my life! They really make the world a friendlier place!

To read an overview of all the types check out The Enneagram Introduction

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