How do you create a space for your Spiritual Practice?

As we are going through this series all about the enneagram and spiritual practices, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to talk about creating a physical space for this. How do you create a space for your spiritual practice? And what are the benefits of having a space that is dedicated to your practice?

Let’s talk about the top 3 reasons for creating your space.

Why?

Why is it important to have a dedicated space for your spiritual practice? Of course, you can take your practice wherever you go, but there is something special about creating this space for yourself. It is a way to honor a decision you made.

1.Consistency

The first benefit a physical spaces gives to you, is encouraging consistency. Knowing you have a physical place to go, is going to make you much more likely to show up there. Seeing your pillow on the floor, or your small area set up with candles just waiting for you, will both remind you and entice you to begin your practice. The physicality of having a real space keeps you more accountable. The more you show up for yourself and your practice in this space, the more you’ll want to show up. This creates a consistency in your practice and in your life.

2.Ritual

The very nature of having a practice is in itself a ritual. The repeated pattern of doing something, anything, can be considered a ritual. It is when we add meaning to our rituals that our lives begin to open up in new ways. Creating a space you love, adds so much to your ritual. It allows for all your senses to be involved: the scent of a candle, or sight of it’s flame, the soft pillow beneath you, the smooth stones in your hands, the sight of something beautiful…

These all add meaning to your ritual, which in turn transforms your ritual into something more. You might begin to long for this place. The rhythm of your ritual brings the gifts of grounding, self-worth, and honor to you and your practice. Ritual, also gives you a place to come back to, and a place to begin from. This is a beautiful circle of practice.

3.Connection

Thirdly, having a space for your practice is going to make you feel more connected. Connected to what? Well, that depends on what it is you are practicing. Many times in spiritual practice, it is ourselves we are re-connecting with. It gives us a chance to sync the mind, body and spirit. Often we get stuck, working without one of these and forgetting that we need all three to function best.

The body is always in real time. It can’t be anywhere else. The body feels things now, needs things now, and functions completely in the present. Our minds however, might tend to wander to the future, or past, but when we can align these, the spirit sings!

This is why having a place to experience such deep connection is so important. And the more you practice, the more aligned you will become with your mind, body and spirit. This is something to get excited about!

Where?

You might be thinking, I don’t have the space anywhere to dedicate to a spiritual practice.

You don’t need a lot of space.

The important thing, is that you have chosen the space, and that you will use it. It could be a corner in a room that isn’t being used. Another idea, would be using part of your closet, if its large enough.

In the photos I’m sharing today, you will see my own space. I’ve taken a stool that I absolutely love, and placed it in the corner near my closet.

You could use a chair, or whatever you have, maybe a small table.

This works for me because its in a location that is both private, and next to the closet where I need to access everyday.

What To Include in Your Space…

This is highly personal. I wanted to include things that make me feel inspired, comfortable, and positive.

My big cushy pillow, is perfect for sitting on as long as I need. I added a tray to my lovely stool, to keep all my things in order. This allows me to incorporate other elements as well.

Art and words inspire me, so I have a few small pieces to focus my time. My stress ball helps me occupy my hands while I’m thinking, meditating, or praying.

(I read somewhere that just looking at a plant can lower your blood pressure, so hence the plant)!

I love candles! There is something in the ritual of lighting a candle that makes any moment feel special, and honored. The light, the warmth, the scent, it all adds to the experience of making this space feel sacred and set apart. Essential oils are also a passion of mine, so I add my favorites in a diffuser, if I’m feeling it.

How do you create a space for your spiritual practice?

I really like my space to feel cozy, so as you can see… I have lots of pillows, quilts, and more pillows!

A pen and paper are also kept handy, in case my meditation time inspired something I need to write down. And I have a board to post lots of words of encouragement, inspiration, and people I might want to think about or honor that day.

I hope this has given you some helpful ideas on how to set up your very own spiritual practice space, and many positive reasons on why you should create one soon!

Make it your own! Yours will look completely different from mine, I’m sure, but I hope you feel inspired to enjoy this space all to yourself and continue your spiritual practice with new found vigor!

Blessings!

Live your life inspired!

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Want to learn about the enneagram types?

Check out the all inclusive packet below. Who Are You: A Self-Discovery Enneagram Packet! It is fantastic for beginners and includes details for each type, explaining motivations, strengths, weaknesses, stress, and how to treat each type.

The Enneagram and Motivations

Why you do what you do makes you who you are. This is the key to knowing and understanding your type. Two different types may have the exact same behavior, but they are working from completely different motivations. This is fascinating to me, and the real core of the enneagram. So let’s go through the enneagram and motivations today!

I’m going to do just a quick summary of each type on the blog, but I am also releasing today some beautiful printables that I think you will love! To get the entire summary, you can now print each type in the fun printables below. They are colorful and formatted simply on one sheet, while including all the points about each type’s motivates and a peek into their character. If you want all nine types in a packet format, they are available in the shop along with a ton more information on each enneagram type…

If you want a specific number, click the buttons for each type to find it in the shop! Or you can always browse the shop to find all of the enneagram products and printables that I have created just for you!

What Motivates Type 1?

One’s are innately motivated by righteousness. What I mean by this is, they have in their mind a definite right way that things should be done in any given situation. They strive to do things this way, and avoid doing things, what they consider the wrong way. They judge themselves harshly in how well they are keeping up with this black and white way of life. One’s are keenly judgmental, and hold these standards so high that they are constantly disappointing themselves. This effort to do and essentially be good is the type one’s main driving force.

Grab the printable about type one below:

What Motivates Type 2?

The top motivations for two always come back to their relational side. They are in the heart triad, after all, meaning they feel first. However, their feelings are focused outwardly on others instead of what is going on with themselves. Much of their motivation comes from a deep place of wanting to be loved and accepted by others.

Of course, we all want love and acceptance, but for the type two, this desire motivates them into action in a very specific way. They seek to provide needs and help others in hopes that this will in turn earn them love and the acceptance they so desire.

Below is a complete sample (using type 2) of what the motivation sheets look like and include. Aren’t they fun? The blue boxes on the side, give a quick glance at the key motivations, while the right hand side is written out in descriptive detail about how our motivations make us and what that looks like in each type. I hope you enjoy these printables!

The Enneagram and Motivations Type 2

What Motivates Type 3?

Type three is motivated by success. This will look different for each three depending on what their definition of success happens to be. Many three’s idea of success has been shaped by the influential people they grew up around. This would be parents, teachers, coaches, etc. who gave them an idea of what the “winning ticket” looked like.

Threes naturally want to please others, this ties in to their motivation to succeed. If a parent stressed the idea of getting good grades as the picture of success, a type three would do everything in their power to get good grades. They have a strong will about them, that allows them to go after their desires in an almost cut-throat fashion.

Find out even more about type three below…

What motivates Type 4?

Fours are motivated by authenticity and beauty. This type does not put up with fake of any kind and cannot stand surface levels. Fours are deeply motivated by being their truest, raw versions of themselves, finding beauty in everything, including in pain and darkness, and desiring the same authenticity from others.

They know that they are different and they wouldn’t want it any other way. Fours pride themselves in being their own unique expression of who they are, and will even go out of their way to make sure that they aren’t like everyone else. They don’t want to stand out in a “look at me- showy” sort of way, they just want to be themselves and be loved for who they are.

More about fours…

What motivates type 5?

Fives are motivated by independence and personal capability. If they want to know something, they are extremely fulfilled in figuring it out themselves. This gives them confidence and inner pride. Fives are also motivated to learn and research their interests. They will spend hours lost in discovering what they want to know most.

This motivation of independence is carried throughout everything they do. Their inner world is so rich and multi-level that they can sometimes forget to let others in. Think of an iceberg, you see only it’s tip above the water, when in reality it’s bulk is hiding underneath the surface. Fives rarely share all the information, and especially if it is personal.

More about fives…

What Motivates Type 6?

Sixes are motivated by finding and keeping security. Security is this overarching theme that in seeking for it, causes sixes to also live with anxiety. This anxiety can get twisted into type six’s motivation where the anxiety moves them to do things in the hopes of then having security.

Sixes often choose the “safe” thing, or the thing that they have the most support for. Since they often don’t trust themselves, sixes look to others for approval, help with decision making, and ultimately for support or a sense of security.

More about sixes…

What Motivates Type 7?

Type Seven is motivated by satisfaction. They live this out in many different ways that can look like chasing “fun,” but it more than that. Being future oriented, sevens are always looking for the next thing that will make them happy or fulfill them.

They want the experience of feeling satisfied in every aspect, delicious foods, travelling to new places, trying and seeing things they have never seen before. Seven’s love going to events and it truly is all about the experience no matter where they go. If they are at a restaurant, they want the food and the environment to be positive and exciting.

More about Sevens…

What Motivates Type 8?

Eights are motivated by being in control. They hate others trying to control them or telling them what to do. This isn’t just because they are stubborn or difficult, eights have a true sense of how to manage things well. They have such a strong confidence and a way about them, that they really rarely need someone to tell them what to do. They’ve already thought of it and figured out the most efficient way to move forward.

Eights are also highly motivated by justice and protecting those who have no one on their side. They see an underdog like a personal mission, and have no problem saying or doing what is needed to stand up for others. When this type is at their best, they are natural leaders who move mountains, stop bullies, and make real change.

More about eights…

What motivates type 9?

Nines are motivated by their keen desire to have peace at all times. They see a flawed world full of waves and turmoil, and all they want is calm waters. This desire motivates everything they do… and everything they don’t do. Nines constantly try to “keep the peace.”

This can mean mediating between to opposing sides in order to keep a larger argument from breaking out. They also have this keeping the peace methodology internally. Nines want both peace on the outside and a calm inner world into which they can retreat. They are willing to bend and do what is needed to allow for this sort of peace to happen.

More about nines…

We don’t talk about ANGER!

If you have young kids at home, you’ve probably seen the new Disney movie, Encanto. It’s a great movie all about a family who each possess a different magical gift. Surprisingly, I’m not going to relate this awesome theme to our different enneagram gifts (though I definitely could)! There is a song from this movie that will get stuck in your head called, “We don’t talk about Bruno.” It got me thinking… we don’t talk about ANGER!

We don’t talk about anger

Each of the enneagram types handles anger a little bit differently, but why aren’t we talking about it? Is it just me, or is this one of the main emotions that we need to work out? Why are we getting angry? How are we expressing anger? What underlying emotions are behind anger? How can we best handle anger?

Maybe you and anger are good.

But I have struggled with it my whole life.

It’s the thing we don’t talk about. The thing you’re not supposed to feel or act on. Anger is my Bruno.

I once heard it said, that anger is only the result of an underlying emotion. Which begs the question, what other emotion is hiding under anger? Even more than our avoidance issues surrounding anger, are all those other neglected emotions using anger as shield.

So using the enneagram, we can boil down these hidden emotions into three main categories based on the triads. Anger is going to be masking fear, shame, or vulnerability.

The Gut Triad

Eights, Nines, and Ones, are part of the anger triad. This doesn’t mean any of them know what to do with their anger however. Eights tend to openly express it as they do with most things. Nines don’t even know they are angry. Ones are usually prone to stuffing the anger down to handle it at a more appropriate time.

The Heart Triad

This triad associates the feeling of anger more with the feeling of shame. For these three types, anger is going to relate to their image and their own perception surrounding it. Two’s anger usually comes from a place of feeling underappreciated, while a three might feel anger when they are not succeeding in a certain area, or failing at something important to them. A four’s anger will usually be related to how they see themselves fitting in to the world around them, or a flaw occurring in their idealistic ideas.

The Head Triad

Fives, Sixes, and Sevens, connect fear and anger in their own ways. A five can become angry when too much is expected of them without enough time to plan and prepare, or recharge. Sixes anger relates to safety and security. If either of these feel threatened, a sixes anger may rise up. Sevens anger mostly relates to not having choices, or being boxed in. A seven will fight against this just to feel the sweet breath of freedom.

These may be overly generalized, but it gives you an idea of what makes each type connect to anger in their own way. So how can we talk about anger, and deal with it in a healthier way?

Awareness

The first step to changing any habit, is noticing that it is in fact a habit. This takes conscious self-observation, and time. Becoming self-aware is a life long journey and one of the best parts of the enneagram. You can begin by asking yourself some simple questions:

What is going on inside me?

What am I feeling?

Where in my body do I feel something tensing?

Why do I feel this way?

Become an observer of yourself. Watch what you are thinking, feeling and doing.

Action

The next step, is moving toward growth and positivity. Moving forward now that you have observed your thoughts, feelings and body, it’s time to make some decisions. Many things may have risen up when you decided to do some self-reflection, things you might not be proud to admit. That’s okay. The important thing is now you can move in the direction you want to go instead of being controlled by the mask of anger.

Here are some positive steps to move through your anger after you have identified it:

Deep breathing.

Taking deep breaths is good for your whole body and your mind. This gives you a chance to reset and calm down. This step alone can dissolve much of your anger.

Proximity (physically moving away)

If you notice that you are too worked up to handle what is in front of you, a positive choice is to remove yourself. For example, go for a walk (the fresh air will also do you good)! Move to a separate room, or the bathroom just to catch your breath and keep yourself from reacting when you need to respond.

Talk about it

Yep, let’s talk about anger! One of the best ways to diffuse a strong emotion like anger, is to name it. Just saying, “I feel angry!” can take away some of the power that you feel this strong emotion has over you.

Even better, call someone you trust to talk this feeling through with you. Having a friend to help you clear away the cobwebs can be very transformative. If this scares you, think of the situation in reverse. If a friend called you and said, “hey I’m having the worst day, and I’m feeling angry,” you would most likely respond with compassion.

Imagine these words, “I know just how you feel. Tell me what’s going on, I’m here for you.” These are the words we need to hear when we are in an anger crisis. The roots of fear, shame, and vulnerability make it hard to take off their mask of anger to be seen. Its easier to just keep getting angry, to not do the work, and to hide from others the deeper feelings underneath.

As you do your hard work, showing up as yourself, remember that others need your compassion. Under their anger is someone scared to be vulnerable, someone too ashamed to share, or someone full of fear. Showing each other compassion will change our world. What if we listened instead of accused? What if we got curious instead of critical? Let’s give each other a hand as we talk about anger.

It is my hope that you live an inspired life in continuous growth in the direction of your dreams and goals.

Thank you for reading!

Have a blessed day!

To grab an overview of all 9 enneagram types, click the button below:

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Beauty and Sorrow

Beauty and Sorrow

I recently heard the epiphany that beauty can’t exist without sorrow. At first glance, this idea seemed shocking and maybe not quite right. But the more I thought about it, the more I could see the truth of beauty and sadness intertwined everywhere.

Nothing beautiful lasts. A sunset is gone in minutes. A flower fades and dies after it’s bloom. In all of.. life, death is wrapped up inside it. When a perfect baby is born, death is also birthed. In thinking about this idea, I couldn’t help but see these patterns and connections in motherhood which may give us the ultimate viewpoint of beauty and sorrow.

Motherhood

Motherhood is full of firsts and lasts. Both are unpredictable and sudden. The firsts are anticipated with joy and excitement. When will they take their first step? And then one day, they just do. And on and on the firsts continue. Soon they are talking, reading, riding a bike… These beautiful things we love to love. But tied up in them, is the loss of them.

The lasts are harder because you don’t know its a last until it doesn’t ever happen again. Its that beauty and sorrow connection. It is the goal of parenting for your kids to move on, grow up, change and be who they are meant to be. But at each stage there is a grief of sorts for what once was, and will never be again.

I have felt many of these bittersweet changes. The last story in the rocking chair with a toddler in my lap, the last cuddles in my bed early in the morning, the last carry a sleeping child in from the car ride, and many more besides.

The Waves

It hit me again this morning that I may be nearing another last. The first warm-ish day we’ve had in months came, which begged us to venture out to the park. My oldest said good-bye to park days long ago, but Middlest and little W wanted to go.

It was a Friday, so most kids were in school (we don’t do school on Fridays). The park was full of my past life, moms with toddlers, babies, and pre-schoolers. It hit me suddenly that this was my past and not my present. With little W at 9 years old, taller than anyone else there that morning, and Middlest, looking like the teenager he has now become.

Is this it? I thought. Could this be one of our last times they want to run and play together at the park?

I tell you this because I think its important to recognize the moments in our lives when change is occurring. And furthermore, our feelings about those changes and any grief that rises up. It was rising up in me. But not in a terrible wave, just that gentle soaking of the feet in the tide… here it comes, it’s happening again. The beauty and the sorrow holding hands.

Sometimes the waves are bigger, and I really miss my babies. It’s just part of being a Mom. The Summer before last, (when we all stayed in) I made my first ever quilt. And not just any quilt. I used the saved and cherished baby clothes for this project, so that whenever I miss my babies, I can get it out and have something to hold on to.

For me, this was healing and it’s own sort of grief. It’s an acknowledgement of what was, and that beautiful entanglement joy and sorrow share. I couldn’t have what I have without the waves. The fading of the beauty is sometimes what makes it so beautiful, the simple fact that it won’t last forever.

So what does this have to do with the enneagram?

Learning your enneagram number is only the beginning. It is both beauty and sorrow to see plainly who you are. And some things need to pass away for other things to bloom and grow. Once you see the patterns that have brought you to where you are today, it’s time for a wave of change in your life.

You find the path of growth through being honest with yourself. Embracing what has been your life, and looking forward to what you want for yourself comes next.

The enneagram is a great example of this beauty and sorrow phenomenon. It is always present, always cyclical, always moving. Recognizing a truth in ourselves that needs to change leads us to a wave of change that allows for that part of us to fade away. Moving into new patterns is another wave we catch.

It is my hope that you can truly see yourself in beauty and see the things in your life that aren’t healthy anymore. Let go of those things that aren’t serving the kind of life you desire.

Embrace the patterns of beauty and sorrow as they show up in your life and spread inspiration as you travel this journey.

Grab this overview of all 9 enneagram types below:

I think you’re really going to love this packet! It includes all the little things about each type in an easy to follow, and creative layout. In one page for each type, you will get a snapshot of the type’s core fears, desires, weaknesses, their longings, what they look like at their worst and their best, and even some tips on how to love this type. Check it out!

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Love. What is it?

What is love? Some would say love is caring deeply about someone. Others might say, putting the needs, desires and wants of others above your own is really what love means. What if love is attention? Then we have to ask, what is attention?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines it this way:

  1. The act of close or careful observing or listening.
  2. The ability or power to keep the mind on something; the ability to concentrate.
  3. Notice or observation.

Sounds a lot like the way we think of love doesn’t it? What if we took this idea and applied it to the enneagram types and their specific needs? Many of the types are gifted naturally at these skills of careful observing, listening, concentrating on what or who is in front of them. If this isn’t in your natural skill set, these are actually things you can get better at.

Since everyone desires attention and careful observation in different ways, I have written a love letter to each enneagram type expressing what they specifically would like to hear. What better way to let someone know how much you care than by giving them a love letter?

Right now you can grab the bundle!

This includes love letters to ALL 9 types! And at the special price of only $25

Love. What is it?

Click the image above or the button below to get your love letter bundle:

Remember to give those around you the care and attention they deserve… it really does show the love they crave. Find out what message they need to hear from you. Spend time this week expressing your love in all the ways you can!

Positivity really can change the world! It truly has a ripple affect!

Thanks for reading, and keep on living life inspired.

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What does community really mean?

I feel like I can’t talk enough about community. We need to slow down and get better at loving the people around us. In a time when we are desperate to connect with each other, most of us are connecting only with our devices. Why aren’t we better at being in community? And what does community really mean?

Let’s get a little nerdy, just for a minute and talk about meaning. I love words and finding out their sources and depth of meaning. So, the word “community,” comes from the Latin communitas. Comm, meaning collectively, all of us, or in association with. And unitas, meaning obligated to, responsible for.

Knowing the meaning of this Latin root makes an impact on how we might view community. It helps us define community in more real terms than simply saying, all of us that are here, or us together makes community. What this definition implies is that there is more to community than simply a group of people.

It’s that last part of the word that packs a punch. Unitas- what are we as a group, obligated to, or responsible for, collectively? What drives us, as one? Answering those two questions will refine how you feel about your community and what it really means to be a part of one.

what does community really mean?

Are we working together toward a common goal? That’s community! Are we responsible to and for each other? That’s community! And reminding ourselves to check in with how highly we are regarding our community has never been so important.

It’s easy to take groups and associations for granted when you aren’t really invested in them. I would say then, you are not in community in those scenarios. The only way to feel like part of the community, is to become a real part. Take ownership, claim it as your place, and then walk along side people toward that common goal.

What else can we do to get better at living in community?

Self-evaluation

It’s always best to start with self-evaluation. You can’t change anyone else, but you do have the power over your own goals, intentions, and behaviors. So, take a look. What are your goals? Are they in line with your current community?

Safety

Another element that is key to a great community is feeling safe and secure within that community. You should be able to be completely you, show up with all of your rawness and authenticity and find love and acceptance. Communities are places of support and safety. this is what binds groups together as they walk toward their goals as one.

So be that kind of person for others in your community. Live with openness and compassion, avoiding judgement and comparing. This doesn’t mean that you can’t speak your mind, only that respect is what makes a place feel supportive.

Reciprocity

The natural give and take of community is a beautiful thing. This adds to the big picture of what it really means to be in community. You are accepted, nurtured, and loved, others can expect the same from you. You give of your time and resources, you can expect others to give of theirs as well.

I hope this gave you some new insight into the meaning of community. It is always my hope to spread positivity and inspiration. Take time today to really invest in your true community and reap the benefits!

Check out this loving the 9 types cheatsheet below. This can help you love the community you’re in by quickly seeing what they need most! Click the button below to grab the PDF printable.

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Is Your Enneagram Passion Controlling you?

You might not know it, but deep in your core you have a passion that drives all other things in your life. You may even think you have control over it. But I’ve got news for you, this passion will be your life’s struggle. Today I want to talk about the passion of the enneagram types and why our inner passion has control over us.

Do you know what your passion is?

Let’s start there. Passion is usually associated with drive and positive asperations. This is not what we are talking about here. The passions of the enneagram types are more like a vice. That thing which causes us to repeat downward spirals and negative patterns of behavior.

Your passion is your subconscious, underlying motivation for why and even how you do everything. Most likely, you are unaware of it until you really start doing work on yourself.

This is the part of learning the enneagram that makes us a bit uncomfortable because seeing our “dark side,” not only makes us feel vulnerable, but also a bit embarrassed.

However, seeing this side of the types will help you identify your type if you were struggling before. It’s like direct honesty cutting through all the fluff and revealing your deepest darkest secret.

Take a look at the passions below. Does yours make you want to run and hide, or disown it altogether? Most people have that reaction.

The passions of the 9 types

Type 1: Anger

Type 2: Pride

Type 3: Deceit

Type 4: Envy

Type 5: Avarice

Type 6: Fear

Type 7: gluttony

Type 8: Lust

Type 9: Sloth

enneagram passions

Virtues

We can’t talk about passions without also talking about virtues. I like to think of the virtue as what each type was before the world told them who they should be. Before the patterns were learned, the defense mechanisms, the baggage, or lack of boundaries given, each type would have looked like their virtue.

The way it is though, we have to work hard to reach our virtues. They are there buried inside us somewhere, but they aren’t always easy to dig up and it takes boundless effort. The goal in learning the enneagram is to turn from passion to virtue a little here and a little there. With Intentional awareness, beginning to notice you have it in you to silence one and step forward in to another.

Most of us will see our virtue come out when life is good and we are doing well. We move into our strength number on the enneagram, which is usually where the virtue can shine easily.

For example: When a type one moves to the high side of seven, they have let go of perfecting things, they feel calm and content, some might even say serene.

Take a look at the virtues below, they will have the opposite affect of reading your passion. Can you just imagine a world where everyone reached this full potential… the best version of themselves? Think of being surrounded by these powerful words- all such gifts and forces of good.

So what are the virtues?

Type 1: Serenity

Type 2: Humility

Type 3: Honesty

Type 4:Contentment

Type 5: Generosity

Type 6: Courage

Type 7: Sobriety

Type 8: Innocence

Type 9: Action

passions of the 9 types

I hope you enjoyed reading about the 9 types and the passions and virtues. It is so fascinating to me!

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Want an overview packet of all 9 types?

Each page includes the basics on everything for each type.

Here’s what they look like:

Is It Just Me? The Enneagram and Loneliness

At different phases of my life, I have felt strong waves of loneliness. The waves are beginning to rise again; I can feel them coming. But I’m not lonely necessarily for company. I’m an introvert who longs for time alone. So how can I be lonely if I like being alone? I’ve come to the conclusion that their are different kinds of loneliness. Today, I’m going to talk about the enneagram and loneliness. Maybe it’s not just me, maybe we are all feeling a little bit lonely together…

the enneagram and loneliness

Different Kinds of Loneliness

The kind of loneliness that craves interaction with people is probably what most think of when thinking of loneliness. This includes: a longing for company, the discomfort of isolation, and an overall sense of being alone. This is not the kind of loneliness that I feel most often.

The other loneliness is less physical and more psychological. The root of both I would say, is the same. Both are unwanted, and unchosen, and come from disconnection. As a type 6, I value connection very highly and it is this disconnection that makes me feel lonely. I am lonely for others to be on my side, to feel the deep connections of understanding one another, and the reassurance that we are in this together.

I don’t need someone to physically be with me to feel that kind of connection. Though at times a real in person interaction is refreshing and comforting. I think the common core to all kinds of loneliness is lack of connection.

The enneagram and loneliness

Enneagram and Loneliness

What types feel lonely the most, you might wonder? It might be a tie between fours, sixes and twos. Type one might fall as a close second.

Fours

I want to talk about type four first because fours feel everything strongly. They also have this deep longing to be understood, and a feeling that something is missing in them. This combination can cause extreme loneliness and feelings of disconnection with others.

Sixes

Like I mentioned in myself, value connection deeply and when that isn’t happening in their lives, they begin to feel lost. Relationships matter to sixes more than you might think. They do play it safe for the most part, but once you are a friend of theirs, they want that deep connection with you, and will do anything for you in order to protect that.

Twos

Twos think about others and relationships more than any other number. They want to do things with you and for you and think about you all the time. They crave both a physical connection and a connection of understanding. This type will start to feel down and lonely when the important relationships in their lives are not nurturing them and appreciating them.

Ones

Ones are good at getting things done all on their own, but they start to miss interacting and connection with people when they’ve been on their own too long. In fact, ones need others to pull on their fun side and help them loosen up. When this is lacking, ones begin to feel that solitude creep in and wake them up to the need of their good friends.

Let’s talk about the other types that might not feel lonely as easily or as deeply.

Sevens

Sevens definitely want an audience to share their stories with and a sidekick to come along on all of their adventures. When this type is alone too long, they get restless. They might not be able to pin point that what they are feeling is the lack of connection with others, but they will fall into a downward mood.

Eights

Eights are known to trailblaze paths and sometimes leave people behind, but they truly value the people they love and need intimate time with them. This type also has a hard time naming and recognizing feelings, so they might not be able to say that they are feeling lonely. However, when they haven’t connected with those they love for too long, it shows.

Nines

Nines can get lost in their own world and substitute other things for human connection. They forget that their is a world out there full of people who could positively influence their lives. They sometimes choose not to be influenced at all, which inevitably leads to loneliness.

Fives

Fives are in the withdrawn stance along with type nine. They easily move inward and fall asleep to their own need for connection with others. They can get caught up in researching their current interest and forget to reach out to those they care about. A feeling of loneliness might creep up on a type five unexpectedly. But in my opinion, they might be the least likely type to feel lonely.

Is Loneliness a problem?

Loneliness, if not addressed, can become crippling and even cause health issues. That deep feeling of isolation causes us to consider our worth, our belonging and our purpose. When we don’t connect with others we can begin to lose our way, falling down a deep hole of depression.

We all feel lonely at times, and we all need connection with each other. It is important to check on those we care about that might be a different type than us. We all need to know that we hold a special place in the hearts of those we love and that they desire connection with us, just as much as we desire it from them.

What can we do when we are lonely?

Being aware of your own feelings and patterns is the most important first step. You can catch yourself before you enter that awful pit of despair. Ask yourself questions like:

  • Have I connected with my friends lately?
  • Do I have someone with whom I feel understands me completely?
  • Am I taking the time to have real conversations with the people around me?
  • Do I race through my day without “seeing” the people I am with?

These questions will give you a starting place. You might find that your answers are eye opening and you haven’t been taking good care of yourself and your relationships. Staying connected with people involves investment in both time and energy. But it is so important to your well being and your overall feeling about your life.

If you are feeling lonely, try not to sit in it too long. Make a positive step towards connecting with someone as soon as you can. Call a friend, make plans to meet up with someone this week. Start a group that meets on a regular basis so that you can be confident you will get the connection you crave.

Is it just me? No, everyone feels lonely.

It is my hope that you will live inspired and spread the goodness you have inside you with others.

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Wondering what to say to someone? If you know their type, here are a few phrases each type needs to hear:

5 Words Each Enneagram Number Needs to Hear Most

Each enneagram number is motivated differently and has a desire to hear certain things from the people that care about them. What if you knew 5 words that would be exactly the thing they need to hear? Today I am going to share with you 5 words each enneagram number needs to hear most.

Enneagram Type One

One’s care a lot about doing things right and doing them well. They want to make a difference in the world. This type is also strongly moral and highly ethical. So what does type one want to hear most?

“I see goodness in you.”

Enneagram Type Two

Two’s are friendly and helpful, but what they are really searching for is that friendship and love in return. They are deeply sensitive and dependent on others for their self-worth. What words do they need most?

“You’re loved no matter what.”

Enneagram Type Three

Three’s strive to succeed and achieve above all else. They are always performing and using their charm to get ahead. This power number feels they must earn love by doing. They need to hear these words…

“You are loved for you.”

5 words each enneagram number needs to hear most

Enneagram Type Four

Four’s are deeply emotional and expressive. They often feel misunderstood and out of place. Am I too much for you? They want to know. Fours don’t shy away from big feelings. What 5 words do they need to hear?

“I am here with you.”

Enneagram Type Five

Fives are extremely capable and responsible. They like figuring things out on their own and in their own space. It is easy for fives to forget that other people in their lives can help them. What do Fives need to hear?

“It’s okay to have needs.”

Enneagram Type Six

Sixes are often anxious, scanning the horizon for possible catastrophes and worst case scenarios. They feel unsettled when they don’t know what to expect or when their is no consistency in their lives. What 5 words do sixes need to hear most?

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

Enneagram Type Seven

Sevens don’t like being put in a “box,” or trapped. They love new opportunities, trying things they’ve never done before, and adventure that they get to plan themselves. This enthusiastic type longs for freedom. So what 5 words do sevens need to hear most?

“Let’s plan a trip together!”

5 words each enneagram type needs to hear most

Enneagram Type Eight

Eights are strong, confident, and a little rough around the edges. They highly value honesty and directness in communication. This type has a wall built up around their most vulnerable parts and only allows a cherished few inside. What do they need to hear most?

“I will never betray you.”

Enneagram Type Nine

Nines get lost in a crowd easily because they are happy to go along with anyone. They merge with whomever they are with, and often don’t stand up for themselves. Their self esteem suffers when they can’t articulate their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions. What 5 words do nines need to hear most?

“You’re presence matters to me.”

Knowing these simple phrases will help you understand each type because they cut right to the core desire for each one. I hope you will use them, contemplate on them, and be inspired by them.

Thanks for reading!

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Loving your community through the enneagram

Want a printable of the 5 words that each enneagram type needs to hear most? You can get it below:

Want to study the enneagram with your friends? This video course below is perfect for small groups!

Want a printable workbook to go through all the types together? This one below, covers all the basics!

50 page enneagram workbook

Loving Your Community Through the Enneagram

Many years ago, in my first psychology class, I remember being amazed that we all think differently. It was a big awakening moment of understanding that the people around me, weren’t thinking the same thoughts as me, or doing things for the same reasons I was, or feeling the same things I was feeling. Today, I want to talk about these differences and how we can love our communities through the enneagram.

We all know how important is is to love others. But what does that mean? Does everyone need the same kind of love and want to be loved in the same way?

I think we all know the answer is, no.

So if we all need to be loved in different ways, how do we go about loving each other?

Who is your community?

In a broad sense of course, it is everyone around you in the place where you live. Loving all of these people would be hard to do in the deep intentional way we are going to discuss today. Kindness can always be shared to everyone, but I want to talk about real love. The people who will get the benefits of your love are going to be the people in your “inner circle,” the people you claim as your group, who you belong to and they belong to you. (Read more about why we need community to thrive, here).

Maybe its your family, maybe its your church group, or maybe its the people you gather with in a coffee shop every week. Whomever you include in your community, the first step in loving them well, is knowing them well.

This is where the enneagram becomes the most useful tool in your toolbox.

The enneagram first shows you how you see the world, and then shows you how other people see the world. When these two ways of seeing come together a lot can happen. Compassion grows for yourself, and others. This changes your relationships in only positive ways. You begin to understand why people do what they do, instead of simply reacting to what they do.

So how does loving your community through the enneagram work?

Learning the enneagram is going to help you understand yourself.

Beginning with yourself is always the best place to start. After all, you can only control your own actions, reaction, and decisions. When you learn the enneagram, you will begin to notice your patterns of both positive and negative motivations. You can practice pausing before you would normally make a negative reaction, or begin down a path you didn’t intend to go.

Once you have learned about yourself:

Your motivations, your core needs and desires, and your fears and patterns of disintegration…

It is your job to teach others about yourself. This knowledge is power. The people in your community want to love you well, but it is not intuitive. Understanding how to love people the way they need to be loved is a complicated matter. It takes time and intention to do this well. So, why not spell it out? Take some of the mystery out of this complicated life.

Once the people around you know your number, it’s time to start learning theirs. This is going to be an eye-opening experience. Dynamics will begin to make sense. You will start to understand why people do certain things, why they express themselves the way they do. The enneagram will show you exactly what each type needs.

Why learn the enneagram with a group?

This will only bring your group closer together. It may even help heal wounds, and provide a forward path for the future.

Self growth is accomplished best when supported by a group. This is a key opportunity for everyone to do together. (And it might even be fun)! Taking the time to learn about each other shows that you care deeply about one another too!

Grab this “Loving the 9 Types- The Cheat Sheet” below by clicking here, to help you understand a quick overview of how each type needs to be loved.

Loving Your Community Through The Enneagram

The discovery kit below is a great place to start your journey. It has information on all 9 types and is perfect for a group. Grab it here.

loving your community through the enneagram

Below you will find a beginners enneagram VIDEO course! This is a great tool for groups, and only takes 45 minutes to go through! Perfect for a night together learning about each other. Grab the download now!

loving your community through the enneagram

As always, it is my hope that you have an inspired day!

Thanks for reading!